Southerner. New Orleans raised. Chicago living. Frozen yogurt ambassador. Run lover. Book nerd. Photobooth strip obsessor. All things British enthusiast. Future citizen of ONEderland. I also may have a pipedream to one day become a yogi.
that I’m worth the best. And I’m worthy of everything I want.
that life is really, really good.
that things don’t stay the same for very long, especially when you have the power to change them.
I’m sure I’ll add more as I think of them. My goals have shifted from losing weight to: loving myself, being genuinely happy, and finding balance in all aspects of my life. I think that switch is a good thing. It’s the right thing.
And right now, I’m feeling better than I have in over a week. And tomorrow? I’m getting my sweat on.
It’s hard to keep giving parts of yourself away and not lose who you are.
My entire life has been about giving things up. About putting everyone else before myself. About worrying about everyone else’s feelings while convincing myself I was fine. I have such a problem with speaking my mind.
It’s hard for me to look at someone and tell them, “no, I’m not okay” and tell them exactly what’s on my mind, and it’s especially hard to tell them I want something that I know they don’t. I spare everyone else’s feelings at the risk of hurting my own.
I just..I just want to be the girl who says what’s on her mind. Who isn’t petrified about speaking up for herself. I have entire conversations in my head. I map out exactly what I want to say, and then the time comes to say it and all I manage is “it’s nothing”, “it’s fine”, or “don’t worry about it”.
I don’t want to burden anyone with what’s in my mind and in the process, I throw what I want out. Let what I want to say be forgotten. It’s not fair to anyone, but mostly it’s not fair to me. I deserve to be heard. To matter.
I’m tired of being the person people come to to complain, the good listener, but when it’s my turn, I get ignored. I’m tired of people thinking it’s okay to only come to me when they need something, because they know I’ll do it for them. I’m tired of being the push around. I’m tired of being scared that what I think has no worth behind it.
There’s a difference in wanting to help everyone and unhealthily ignoring your wants for everyone else’s. Yes, the people in my life are important, but I still need to be my number one.
I’m worth the happiness. I’m worth the courage it takes to stick up for yourself. I’m worth everything I want out of my life. It’s time I learn that, and it’s time I show everyone else that.
I’ve always been afraid to go places alone. To shop alone. Eat at a restaurant alone. And mostly: go to the movies alone.
I always see someone out alone and my instinct is to feel bad for them. It always doesn’t pop in my mind that maybe they just wanted to see a dang movie by themselves. Or just go eat somewhere and enjoy relaxing alone.
Im at the movies with the coolest person I know and thus, today will be known as the first time I went to a movie alone.